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mommy. wife. teacher. yogini. writer. coffee drinker. aunt. crocheter. reader. dog lover. scattered. methodical. rational. irrational. paranoid. annoyed. lost. found. content. searching. peaceful. i am constantly in search of my story. the one i have never happened. the one i've lived i cannot write.

31 March 2012

a birth story, a love story.

i had been anxious about going into labor
the biggest reason being
i had no idea what to expect.

when bug was born
there was no indication that i was on the brink of delivering
my water

for many weeks prior to miss millie's debut
i wondered
and occasionally worried
about what labor would actually be like.

i got my answer
on a saturday afternoon.

i had just returned from yet another trip to target
to fetch vaporizer filters
antibiotics for both bug and my guy
and another wave of M&Ms.

i noticed my body was
for lack of an eloquent way to word it
disposing of fluids as it prepared itself for the next 30 hours
within twenty minutes of this realization
the contractions started.

they were subtle
and spread out
and allowed for me to frantically finish laundry
put away groceries
run the sweeper
and call my mom.

within an hour
they had moved from twenty minutes apart
to ten
and i decided it was probably time for my guy to come home.
we packed everyone and everything up
dropped bug off at my folks
and headed to the hospital around 3:30.
by then
we were pacing eight minutes apart.

upon further inspection
i was only dilated to a 1 1/2
and so began a two hour hike
through the halls
of the labor and delivery wing
of the hospital
me in my flip flops and lovely hospital issued gown
my guy in his jeans and t-shirt
pushing me onward
we huffed and puffed past nurses and doctors
several who commented
'you're going to walk that baby out, aren't you?'

yes i was.

after two hours
my contractions were three minutes apart
and significantly more painful
but my cervix hadn't budged.

and so
we picked up taco john's
picked up the bug
and headed home for an indefinite amount of time.

my contractions intensified through the night
they were two minutes apart
around midnight
i slipped into the bathtub
in the hopes of easing the pain.
after twenty minutes
and eleven contractions
i hefted myself out of the bathtub
only to find i was bleeding.

i woke my guy
'we need to go back'
he jumped out of bed
and hunted for his glasses
while i called my mom.

by the time she arrived
i was doubled over
struggling to make it from the living room to bug's room
to kiss her good-bye.

the drive was long
an my guy is still having trouble recollecting all of it.
we checked back in at 1:00 a.m.
3 centimeters
still not enough to admit me.

the nurse
bless her
put me in a whirlpool tub
where i continued to labor for another two hours
in vain.

i begged them not to send me home.
just give me drugs
give me something
and so
they did
and i slept
and my guy slept in a windowsill
it was 5:00 a.m.
and we still had not been officially admitted.

the drugs worked
and i slept
and my guy slept
and at 10:00 a.m.
when i began to feel the contractions again
more intensely than before
i woke him up
'i think they forgot us'.
but they hadn't.
they had come in at 7:30
found us sleeping
and let us sleep.
they let us sleep.
and for that
i am still grateful.
so it was
that at 10:15
i was officially 5 centimeters.
the nurse said.
'we can admit you!'

i had the epidural at 11:30
pitocin at 4:00
vomited at 5:30
and started pushing at 5:45.
my parents
my sister
my bug
showed up at 6:00
just in time to hear millie fill her lungs at 6:11 p.m.

it had been a long day
and she had been stubborn
(much like she had been throughout the course of the pregnancy)
but she was worth it all.
and i cried.

and any fear i had
of not being able to love another child
disappeared forever
and i told my guy
on the way home from the hospital
'i don't think anyone could ever love two children
as much as we love these girls.'

more on our new adventure to come.
go well.

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