time enough.

without fail
i get to this time every year
and i feel disconnected.
i sometimes have to go back in time
via my own words
to remember that this is not the first time in my life
when i have felt disconnected
even though each year
i find myself thinking
(and feeling)
that it has never been like this before;
like i have never felt this busy
rushed
exhausted
depleted
void
robbed of time
grasping for moments of opportunity.

and every year
when i revisit my words
i am reminded that this disconnect i feel
stems from a tremendous lack of
dirt
air
green
sunshine.

all too often
our days are full...
full of hustle
bustle
forgotten items on the grocery list
lessons
work
laundry
(and even not time enough for all that)
full of wires
plugs
glowing screens.

lately
our days have also been full of
rain
cold
clouds
and the occasional snow shower.

i'm kind of over the whole snow thing.
just sayin'.

we have had a few days of perfection
but not nearly enough for the time of year.
i'm ready to get out
to break in my running shoes
to let my girls' toes loose in the grass
to fill my lungs with fresh air and sky
to not have to worry about messes being made
because we won't be inside to make them. 

 

i keep thinking  back to the first thing my bug said to me
last year
upon picking her up after monkey's arrival
'mom!  your tummy's small again!  we can go running!'
i keep thinking that i have yet to take her up on that.
i'm ready, bug.
let's run.

go well.

obsession OR what do you do to pass the time...

"SNOW-PACALYPSE!"

as everyone is gearing up for the storm of the century
i am preoccupying myself with thoughts of sandy beaches far away.

(don't get me wrong
i rolled into my local grocery store along with all the other crazies last night
and stocked up on all the essentials:
almond butter
eggs
bread
baileys...)

but what has really been on my mind as of late
are the tropics.

this year
marks 'ten' for us

and we have sworn that we will venture to the pacific once again
(when you don't take a honeymoon immediately following your wedding
you can justify just about any vacation from there on out.)

and with our taxes wrapping up
and all of our penny pinching paying off
i keep thinking about this...

up up up.

first moments on the shore.

wish i was there...

peace.

it has gotten to the point

that i can close my eyes on the treadmill

and feel the blue sky surround me.

that i am making mental lists about 

what will go in my carry on.

that i have mapped our trip from the airport

to whole foods

to the moana

to the beach

to the bed

where will we crash 

and wait for early dawn

and set out.

i can taste the fresh bananas at the starbucks around the corner.

i can feel the pavement of the walkway along waikiki under my foot.

i can see the swells carrying surfers to the sand.

i can feel the wind in my hair as we drive without the top on

under the canopy of trees overhead.

i can feel my calves pull as i climb the stairs to the top of diamond head.

and so

i pound my treadmill in anticipation

i make mental notes of shoes i want to take with me hiking

i put together my reading list

i stockpile yarn for the plane

and i wait for the pacific sun

to pull me west again.

how are you staying warm this winter?

go well.