today.

i've said it before
over and over and over again
but i am committed
this is the week i will stop chasing my tail.

let's examine a day in the life
(because without examination of what is
how will i ever hope to accomplish what could be)

my day seemingly starts at 11:45 the night before.
my monkey is...
teething?
waking, nonetheless.
the night proceeds with wake up calls at 1:00, 3:00, 4:15 and finally 5:20
(these are all estimates
time tends to blend and blur
the nighttime messing with my psyche and well-being all at once)

when i do finally rise
(and pray that monkey will sleep long enough for me to shower)
the morning becomes a whirlwind of
moisturizing
laundry
diapers
mismatched outfits
and about a dozen bags being loaded into my car.
crap.
forgot the waffles.
crap.
forgot my phone.
crap.
forgot my keys.

once we are all loaded
and unloaded
it's a full day ahead...
paperwork
grammar
paperwork
adolescent drama
paperwork
breaking up a fight
and that's all before lunch.

and speaking of lunch.
i try really hard
to prepare
and be ready
and healthy
and ingest the kinds of things that i know will provide me
with enough energy to help me muddle through
the remainder of my day.
but i'd be lying to you if i said
i didn't have gardettos and girl scout cookies
at least one day last week.
blech.

between after school commitments
swimming lessons
yoga
planning a meal
unloading the dozen or so bags from my car
letting the dog out
running baths
putting food on the table
putting kids in the bath
i finally sit down
(albeit to nurse monkey)
at 7:45.

bear in mind.
my day is going to start again in about four hours.

the "empty" minutes are usually consumed by yarn
stitching
hooking
creating
for "the shop"
which i love
and wish i had more time for.

time to breathe.

my priorities are this:
i must be a good mother.
i must spend as much time as possible with my girls.
i must be creative.
i must be active.
i must be healthy.
i must maintain some sense of order in my home.
(this includes clean dishes, clean laundry and a clean floor).

i forget
that when bug was a babe
i structured our days
around her schedule
and i stuck to them
day after day after day.

now that bug is older
i have grown accustomed to the ability to
lax in our structure
and i forget just how much
that affects our monkey.
and thus
me.

today is monday.
today is the day i stop chasing my tail.
and even though my day started at 11:45 last night
i'm determined to make the most of every minute i get
between now and then
carving time for
monkey
bug
my guy
and me.