time enough.

without fail
i get to this time every year
and i feel disconnected.
i sometimes have to go back in time
via my own words
to remember that this is not the first time in my life
when i have felt disconnected
even though each year
i find myself thinking
(and feeling)
that it has never been like this before;
like i have never felt this busy
rushed
exhausted
depleted
void
robbed of time
grasping for moments of opportunity.

and every year
when i revisit my words
i am reminded that this disconnect i feel
stems from a tremendous lack of
dirt
air
green
sunshine.

all too often
our days are full...
full of hustle
bustle
forgotten items on the grocery list
lessons
work
laundry
(and even not time enough for all that)
full of wires
plugs
glowing screens.

lately
our days have also been full of
rain
cold
clouds
and the occasional snow shower.

i'm kind of over the whole snow thing.
just sayin'.

we have had a few days of perfection
but not nearly enough for the time of year.
i'm ready to get out
to break in my running shoes
to let my girls' toes loose in the grass
to fill my lungs with fresh air and sky
to not have to worry about messes being made
because we won't be inside to make them. 

 

i keep thinking  back to the first thing my bug said to me
last year
upon picking her up after monkey's arrival
'mom!  your tummy's small again!  we can go running!'
i keep thinking that i have yet to take her up on that.
i'm ready, bug.
let's run.

go well.