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mommy. wife. teacher. yogini. writer. coffee drinker. aunt. crocheter. reader. dog lover. scattered. methodical. rational. irrational. paranoid. annoyed. lost. found. content. searching. peaceful. i am constantly in search of my story. the one i have never happened. the one i've lived i cannot write.

24 May 2008

three weeks and baby steps.

i am fully aware that i have neglected both my inbox and my blog in the last three weeks.
i would apologize, but frankly am having far more fun with charlie.
i know that many people are desperate for news from our tip of iowa, so while charlie is chasing her butterflies in the play pen, i will do my best to catch everyone up.

the house.

we have accepted an offer on the house...finally!
we received an offer wednesday evening, only minutes after dropping the price of our house again.
the home inspections on the house will begin this week and be finished by wednesday, so until then i'm trying not to be too overly optimistic.
however, if all goes according to plan, we will close on both houses on the 10th of july.
there is light at the end of this dark tunnel.
until then, we will stay with my parents.
i was able to get into our house on thursday using the crutches.
it was the first time in nine weeks that i had been inside.
i hadn't expected it to hit me so hard.
at that moment, i realized just how long this journey has been.
when i left that house nine weeks ago, there was still snow in the yard and ice on the driveway.
when i "walked" in on thursday, my butterfly garden was in bloom and the grass in need of mowing.
it has been a good house. there are lots of good memories.
i'm ready to say good-bye.

the leg.

we ventured back to iowa city yesterday to meet with my doctors.
i met my goal and "walked" into the hospital on crutches.
we left the wheelchair in the truck.
according to my x-rays, both the tibia and fibula are still fractured, but healing.
the skin graft is now one big scar rather than a gaping open wound.
the dressings are optional (i will continue to wear an ace bandage so as not to scare small children).
the boot that kept my foot at a 90 degree angle is also optional. i slept without it for the first time last night. another small step towards "normal".
the best news was that i am now allowed to put 30-50 pounds of weight on the leg!
i was instructed to use a bathroom scale to see what that feels like.
my foot didn't know what to think when i stepped on the scale last night. nerves that have been lying dormant for nine weeks suddenly woke up.
it was an incredible sensation.
it will take a lot of getting used to.
i go back june 20th.
at that point, the doctor is hoping that i will be able to go full weight bearing.
i will be stocking up on milk between now and then.
baby steps.

(the most recent picture i have - mother's day)

charlie jo.

i don't even know where to start.
she is now three weeks old and i have no idea how i let those minutes slip by me.
everyday i learn something new about her.
everyday she learns something new.

she likes butterflies.
the ones that hang in her play pen.
the one at the end of "The Very Hungry Caterpillar".
the ones on the bedsheets that serve as slipcovers for oz.
we have already picked out a corner of the new yard for charlie's butterfly garden.

she likes country music.
she sits for hours listening to rascal flatts, carrie underwood and brad paisley with daddy.
daddy sits for hours and sings her tim mcgraw and trace atkins.
occasionally he slips in old michael jackson and journey songs.
occasionally mommy slips in old bob dylan and dave matthews.
but country is her favorite.
daddy is proud.
papa is proud.

she is strong.
she has been holding her head up now for three weeks.
the first time was in the hospital when she lifted her head to look at daddy.
she now holds her head up any chance she gets and examines the world.
she would rather be up and moving than laying idly in her bassinet.
this has, needles to say, made for some long nights.

everyday she grows.
everyday she opens her bright eyes a little more.
everyday her cheeks fill out and get rosier.
everyday she reaches, looks, gasps, sighs.
everyday she's closer to a giggle.

frequently asked questions

Q: how's nursing?
A: i know i am lucky. charlie latched on and took to nursing within an hour of being born. the first week was a period of adjustment for me, but since then, nursing has become very second nature. she eats well and it shows - she is filling out quickly and the trash is filling up with diapers! i am enjoying the experience. we have a lot of really good conversations during those feedings. lots of shared whispers and lullabies. i will miss this when she grows.

Q: how do the dogs like her?
A: oz is her fearless protector. he assumed this role as soon as we brought her home. he keeps a close eye on the play pen when she's in the living room and keeps sammy at bay. sammy would rather play with her (or me). we haven't seen any aggressive behavior toward charlie out of either of them. and yes, i let them give her small gentle kisses on the top of her head. she loves it. she hates having her feet licked, though! overall, i think they've accepted her and are learning that they have to be more patient when it comes to attention from bill and me.

Q: are you letting her wear pink?
A: it was inevitable that we would get pink as gifts. occasionally we cave. for the most part, though, charlie wears a lot of yellow, green and purple (as close to pink as i'm comfortable with!)

Q: are you struggling with the baby weight?
A: no. i'm struggling with the fact that i can't take my daughter for a walk in her stroller, though. i actually lost weight after the accident, so once charlie arrived, i lost a lot of my baby weight. i'm actually within five pounds of my pre-pregnancy weight. however, i'm still not into all my non-maternity clothes just yet. i have one pair of jeans that fits. the rest are still a bit snug - apparently my ass is not aware that i'm no longer pregnant.

Q: are you having a hard time living with your family?
A: yes and no. the first week was hard on both bill and i. we only wished we could have taken charlie "home". however, we no longer feel like we have a "home"...not yet. living with my parents has not been unbearable though, by any means. my parents are phenomenal people and being a parent myself now, i have a far deeper appreciation for them, their sacrifices, their love, their support. their help has been invaluable these last three weeks - from doing laundry to driving me to iowa city to bathing charlie to carrying my oatmeal from the counter to the table. i don't think they mind having their granddaughter within reach either! nanny rocks charlie while mommy takes showers and papa brings his girls lilacs and peonies from the yard to set next to the recliner and bed. living with them during this transition may actually be one of the best things that's ever happened to any of us.

Q: are you ready to start thinking about work yet?
A: no. not even close.

Q: have you taken her to target?
A: every chance we get! bill loads us all up and takes us to target and other places every thursday and sunday. she actually made her debut in target at 6 days old. she usually sleeps through our outings. during our last venture to target, she found her thumb and amused herself for the hour we pushed her around. she usually makes it into starbucks on those days as well.

i will attempt to do a better job of updating the blog. i have to learn how to let charlie lie in her bassinet or play pen without me. i just can't help myself.
she will only be this small today.
i want to savor that and hold her as much as i can.

i will also get her new pictures up as soon as they arrive - she had her first official 'photo shoot' on thursday...i am going to go broke ordering pictures.

p.s. - thank you notes are on their way! i'm a bit back logged...

"The central struggle of parenthood is to let our hopes for our children outweigh our fears." - Ellen Goodman

go well.

1 comment:

Marcella said...

Well written article.

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