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mommy. wife. teacher. yogini. writer. coffee drinker. aunt. crocheter. reader. dog lover. scattered. methodical. rational. irrational. paranoid. annoyed. lost. found. content. searching. peaceful. i am constantly in search of my story. the one i have never happened. the one i've lived i cannot write.

05 February 2009

just because.

no real rhyme or reason to this post.
an 'update' (ick, that word) on me.
on us.
on nothing particular.

i have recently become obsessed with this guy's site. it has me feeling thankful every day that i have had the opportunities i have had - to know my girl, hold my girl and tell her and bill every day over and over again how much i love them. it also has me thinking a lot more about death - mine, his, ours - and everything i want to do
need to do
in order to be ready if it comes too soon.
i believe, much as matt has done, that the best thing i can leave are words. i think my biggest fear is not death itself, but being taken without giving charlie the chance to know me or me to know her. morbid, but realistic.

as i look over my shoulder the last (almost) six months, i am finally finding my gait again at work. a sense of productivity has settled into the crevices of my daily life and i finally see that glimmer of optimism i felt in my first few years of teaching. i am desperately trying to find positives in my day-to-day interactions with the tweens i see (more than my own child). some days are easier than others. this time of the year is never easy - february is the longest month of the year, despite what the calendar says.

i joined twitter and have found that responding to the question
'what are you doing?'
can elicit a giggle, a sigh...even more fun is is watching how everyone else responds. i also spent time recently uploading pictures to flickr and shutterfly. i then decided i spend too much of my 'free' time at home on the internet and would be better off on the treadmill revisiting the book that brought perspective to my life before charlie arrived.

we are going on our honeymoon. after eight years of marriage. i'm still pushing for this. bill doesn't care, as long as he gets to lay on the beach all week.

i am running. i am determined to run in the surf. i am determined to make that 5K come september.

charlie is rolling, sitting and crawling (albeit backwards) and i am reminded daily that the nearly 8 lbs. of joy i brought home to my parents' house nine months ago will be grown and gone before i have an opportunity to take it all in. i only hope i have deep enough pockets in which to shove all these moments. she remains
the best thing i ever did
the coolest kid i've ever known
my heart
my soul
my sweet sweet girl.

i hope this finds you well
and with thoughts of spring.

go well.

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