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mommy. wife. teacher. yogini. writer. coffee drinker. aunt. crocheter. reader. dog lover. scattered. methodical. rational. irrational. paranoid. annoyed. lost. found. content. searching. peaceful. i am constantly in search of my story. the one i have never happened. the one i've lived i cannot write.

05 March 2010

growing pains.

i struggled
with where to post this.
do i post on pitter pats as it is purely charlie
or do i post here has it is purely my own emotions?
needless to say
won out.

i have often thought about the day
when my little girl
will become a big girl
and fly the nest
in favor of kindergarten
high school
and through that process
(of thinking)
i have wondered how it is
that parents blubber all over themselves
when their children
set out on these new paths
in their educations
and lives.

charlie has been in daycare
since she was four months old.
don't get me wrong
was hard.
i had had her all to myself
for four months
spending a majority of that time
in a recliner
with her cradled in my nook
for hours and hours
and to have to part ways with her
and become part of a society again
was like ripping the heart
right out of it's place
in my chest.

but after a few days
i adjusted.
i knew she was safe
and loved.
so leaving her day after day
has gotten easier over the last 18-some months.
i just knew that i wouldn't be one of those parents
when that time in our lives came.

and then
i found out this morning that
my sweet girl
will be graduating to the '2's room'...

...nearly six months before i had thought she would.

you see
charlie will be two in may
but i had not envisioned her transitioning to a new setting
until i returned to school in august.

they explained to me this morning that
she's 'graduating' early because she is 'too advanced' for the tots room.
so i won't lie
i'm over the moon with pride
we think she's a pretty smart cookie;

she knows her numbers
she knows her colors
she knows all of her animals
and what they say
she can sing all the classics (and few song by jason mraz)
she can say her alphabet (starting at 'L')
and she'd rather read her books
than watch t.v.

and while we work with her on these things at home
i know that so much of it is what they do with her at 'school'

she's just an amazing kid
and i'm pretty sure that has more to do with her
and god
than me.

so i'm thrilled.
and yet...
i'm terrified.

she adores her teachers
'tay-cee' (traci) and 'amby' (amber)
and they are so amazing
and love her so very much
and it scares me to death to think
what if her next teachers don't see just how amazing this kid is?
what if they don't find her quirks adorable?
what if they don't give her that extra squeeze
and kiss her hand when she (purposefully) knocks it against the table?
what if they don't sing with her?
what if they don't understand her when she says
'dow-ma' for 'down' and 'bilk' for 'milk'?

and so
when i got back in the car this morning
i couldn't help but blubber
just a little bit.

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