all my mental notes.

i have nine weeks of mental notes to record...now that it's official and all...

i was about three weeks pregnant when we found out.
i had taken two at-home pregnancy tests;
one turned up
what both bill and i were fairly certain
was a positive.
the other was...well...
inconclusive.
so on july 3rd
we ventured to the urgent care
toddler in tow
for confirmation.

i wasn't exactly 'late'
as i had been with charlie when i suspected i was growing life.
but there were little things
that were just...
off.

for example
walking through o'hare at 6:00 in the morning
while the vendors were making fresh pretzels
and wanting to throw up at the smell
of the fresh dough.
then there was the jet lag
post-maui
that never went away.

besides the daily three hour naps i was squeezing in
i felt pretty good
until about week six
(same as it was with bean's big sister).
that's when the first trimester hangover started;
the constant queasiness
bloatedness
sleepiness
nothing-sounds-good
but i'm so hungry
ickiness that comes with the surge of progesterone
coursing through my body.

i was thankful for my afternoon naps with my bug.
i lived for them daily.
i was devastated by the heat
(which was perhaps the biggest surprise
as i had not anticipated it to affect me at such an early stage).
my activity slowed.
backbends got hard.
running was torture.

one week pregnant in maui.

in week seven
i felt my body began to shift.

yep...i did the whole 'take-your-picture-in-your-bathroom-mirror' thing.  it's lame and vain and i don't care.

and i remember thinking it
so strange
since i was only about six weeks along with charlie
before i had any inclination i was with child.
and now
at seven weeks
i was already feeling pregnant
physically
in so many ways.

this was also the point in the pregnancy
when i gave up being an herbivore.
i remember making BLTs for bill and charlie
and thinking
'damn.
i really want that bacon.'
so i thought
'what's one meal?'
the next night
it was cold meat sandwiches.
then grilled chicken.
then an admission of
'i'm not going to fight this anymore.
i.
want.
meat.'
so i ate meat.
and instantly
i started feeling better.
the queasiness subsided more quickly.
and the only conclusion i have come to
is that this kid was desperate for protein.

i never did experience morning sickness;
in fact, i was at my peak in the mornings.
i could stomach good, healthy food
and had about an hour window with which to clean the house
throw in laundry
play with charlie...
anything that required energy.
after about 10:00 a.m.
i was worthless
and it only got worse as the days went on.

and so
from about week six
until right around last week
this was my life.

however, the second trimester switch
seems to be flicking
and i have felt a return in energy
and appetite
and am slowly resuming my 'normal' life
complete with full days of work
painting with charlie
stomaching vegetables (and other herbavore-ish meals)
pounding out two (plus) miles on the treadmill
and sleeping more soundly.

we have fielded many questions since revealing the bean;
yes, we're excited.
yes, it was a little unexpected
(we were ready to try for months...apparently once really is all it takes)
yes, we will find out the gender
yes, charlie is thrilled
(she informed me just this evening that she will teach the baby how to do a sommersault)
yes, our families are elated
yes, we have names
(well, i have names...i think my guy's okay with them)
but my favorite question
was the one that came from a very small 8th grade boy today during math:

boy: you're havin' a baby, aren'tcha?

yes, yes i am.

twelve weeks.