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mommy. wife. teacher. yogini. writer. coffee drinker. aunt. crocheter. reader. dog lover. scattered. methodical. rational. irrational. paranoid. annoyed. lost. found. content. searching. peaceful. i am constantly in search of my story. the one i have never happened. the one i've lived i cannot write.

17 August 2011

it's time.

it's time.
time to tell.
time to grow.
time to face the fact that my jeans don't fit anymore.

you may remember a post.
it wasn't that long ago
and yet so much has changed since then.

so let's go back.

i remember the conversation that occurred vividly.
maybe i earmarked it in my mind
because subconsciously i knew it was the beginning
of the journey.

it was late
and we were going over the adoption paperwork.
we had made the decision to adopt from korea
and were very giddy about it.
in our minds, we would be bringing home our baby in spring.
but as we worked through paperwork
and conversations with agency employees
we came to find out that the waiting list had grown
and the chances we would bring home a 'baby' were dwindling.
our 'baby' would be closer to two.
we would be bringing him to a strange land
from the only home he'd known for two years.
i panicked.
i cried.
and the tug on my heart to pull away
wrought me with guilt.

so what do you want to do?
my guy asked calmly.

i don't know.

do you want to get pregnant?

and after a long pause
and many sniffles
i said


* * *

the next day we received a phone call.
we were told that based on medical history
and korea's adoption policies
if we did choose to adopt
we would need to wait four more years.

that answers that question.

* * *

so here we are.
11 weeks into this new journey of life.
and while i'm battling the perpetual first trimester 'hangover'
i'm incredibly excited
to be growing new life again.


current gestation: ~ 11 weeks.
weight gain to date: five-ish pounds (some days i'm up...some days i'm down.  my appetite has not been cooperating well.)
complaints: heartburn and a full bladder (along with all the other 'joys' that come in your first trimester that i won't go into).
non-complaints: i very much enjoyed my naps this summer.  being back at school is exhausting at times, but i was able to get through the majority of the first trimester during vacation which translated into floating on a raft in the pool and sleeping...a lot.
activities: i continued my yoga practice until about four weeks ago.  my energy level is way down, so i haven't been on my treadmill as often as i would like.  i'm hopeful that the second trimester switch will flip and i'll get back to the gym regularly in the next two weeks.  swimming over the summer was extremely theraputic and i'm anxious to get into the lap pool.
cravings: meat.  yep.  i said it.  i have decided to forego my vegetarian diet for the remainder of the pregnancy.  around week six, the word tofu alone sent my stomach turning.  i will say was thrilled with my decision to ingest meat back into my diet when i polished off that tenderloin at the fair last weekend.
baby-related news: the nesting has already begun.  stay tuned for more on that.

my bug is extremely excited about the prospect of being a big sister
although she did inform me the other day
that she believes i have five babies in my belly.

dear god, i hope not.

so there you have it.
now you know why you haven't seen much of me
here or anywhere
for the last three months.

i'm growing life.
our family is growing.
it's time.

go well.


Tara K said...

So exciting Amy! I enjoy reading what you write. Congratulations again to you and your family! Your daughter and the little bean are lucky to have you as their mom!

Meg said...


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