drift.

those who know me best

know that i have not been the best me

in recent 

days

weeks

months.

disconnected.

disjointed.

discouraged.

disillusioned.

disappointed.

disappointing.

most days
many days
my body is merely a vessel
taking up physical space
my mind
my heart
my soul
my spirit
all seem to be drifting
having abandoned my floating limbs
bound for places unknown.

i throw out ropes
in the hope
of pulling the pieces back.

i pull in lyrics
melodies
words
dusty book jackets
forgotten dreams
faded photographs
and frantically lick them
hoping to make them stick.

sometimes they do
even if only for mere moments
but are usually pulled apart
by some unforeseen current again.

i dive

deep

into former lives

in the hope of collecting 

fragments

that can help me make sense

of this drifting. 

the uprooting. 

the anemia. 

the missing dirt under my fingernails. 

the minutes that tic and toc 

through my fingertips. 

the missed sunsets. 

the idle pages. 

the fraying yarn. 

too much caffeine. 

too little leafy greens. 

too much technology. 

too little creativity. 

i'm adrift. 

but the shore can't be far. 

so i continue to paddle

hopeful

that the horizon is just over the crest. 

****

and yes

sweet Bug. 

your mama writes. 

my words are not meant to be secret. 

it's just that sometimes

they sink to the bottom

and i forget to catch them

before they settle on the floor. 

i forget. 

but i hope you will remember

to hold onto your words 

always. 

through the waves

and the pools

for they may be the life preserver 

that keeps you afloat. 

go well.