i don't think i anticipated how much the anticipation would affect me.
i have caught myself several times in the last few days
welling up at the kitchen sink
looking through the mirror
at the past.
just knowing that we are coming to that bend in the road...
i watch charlie
i watch her move
i watch her laugh
i watch her reach out for me
i watch bill
i watch him beam when he comes in the door
i watch him take pride in seeing his basement come to life
i watch him get on two wheels and feel the wind in his face
i watch my sister
i watch her inch closer to her dream
i watch her laugh with her husband
i watch her watch charlie
i watch my mom
i watch her walk into my classroom
i watch her sing to charlie as she changes diapers
i watch her reach into her drawer and hand me a piece of chocolate
i watch my dad
i watch him walk into the daycare room
i watch him worry about the business
i watch him cheer on his beloved illini
i watch these people
these people who are most important in my life
who have always been most important in my life
watch them move through their lives
and thank god that they do
and that they do so without any holes
i thank god that i am here to watch.