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mommy. wife. teacher. yogini. writer. coffee drinker. aunt. crocheter. reader. dog lover. scattered. methodical. rational. irrational. paranoid. annoyed. lost. found. content. searching. peaceful. i am constantly in search of my story. the one i have never happened. the one i've lived i cannot write.

14 January 2011

the year of asanas: makingtimeformeasana.

i am a self-admitted martyr.
i enjoy choose to take on lots of responsibilities
usually all at once
and then wonder why
i blow up
i lose my temper
i bitch and moan
i allow negative energy to fill the empty spaces
and i explode.

i'm not always a fun person to be around under these conditions.
i think taking all of this on gives me a false sense of importance.
but it also prevents me from being the best
that i know i am capable of.

the thing is
i wrestle with an extreme amount of guilt
when i DON'T take on more
household duties
volunteer activities
art projects
and so ultimately
i sacrifice my 'me' time to make room for 'everyone else's' time.

new rule...

the letting go pose or makingtimeformeasana.

i have a few passions;

good books

and then i have a few things that i enjoy but never get time to enjoy;

extra yoga classes
painting my toenails
painting my house
flipping through reading my periodicals

and this year
by golly
i'm going to stop filling the spaces with mundane and start filling them with passion
i'm going to turn the other eye on the laundry some saturday
i'm going to forego the treadmill in favor of bubbles
i'm going to drink more wine because i like the way it tastes
(and not because i need it to put me out for the night)
i'm going to demand more adult dinners with my guy
i'm going to let my kid watch a movie on a saturday afternoon and not feel guilty about it so i can scrapbook
i'm going to buy the expensive coffee and not fret over the extra $2
i'm going to kiss my girl and my guy good-bye and take a SECOND yoga class some week
i'm going to crochet the hell out of some yarn
i'm going to paint my toenails just because and not because i have parent teacher conferences

i'm going to do a better job of making time for that girl i remember
and i'm going to do it without feeling bad.

"The happiness of a man in this life does not consist in the absence but in the mastery of his passions." ~Alfred Lord Tennyson

go well.

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