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mommy. wife. teacher. yogini. writer. coffee drinker. aunt. crocheter. reader. dog lover. scattered. methodical. rational. irrational. paranoid. annoyed. lost. found. content. searching. peaceful. i am constantly in search of my story. the one i have never happened. the one i've lived i cannot write.

04 January 2011

the year of asanas: tighteningyourbeltasana.

this year
as i head full force into what lies ahead
i have decided to approach 2011 in terms of asanas
(asanas, in this instance, referring to yoga poses).

the discipline pose or tighteningyourbeltasana.

i have 
in the past 
talked about my struggles with weight - 
hell, i even started a blog to document all my challenges with weight 
(you'll notice an obvious lack of posting on that blog...)

as i began to think about the coming year
and all i hope to achieve in it
and weight loss
were an obvious 
and recurring

but the more i thought about it
the more i realized that my goal is not necessarily to lose weight
my goal
is to be more disciplined in all areas of my life.

i am a victim of society, the media
and my own lack of discipline.
mostly just my own lack of discipline.
i eat
when i'm not hungry.
i buy
when i need nothing.
i cave 
every time i see that starbucks siren.

and as a result...

i fight with body image
usually following several desserts 
i struggle with chest pains 
every time my account dips below a certain balance
and i combat the hopelessness that consumes me
when i think ahead to my future

i'm tightening my belt
not only financially but
i hope
physically as well
and i'm doing this for two reasons...

...because i can't wait to get back here...

...and my girl.  because i don't want her grappling with the same insecurities i do.

so i vow...
the next time i'm at the store
i stick to my list.

People had more than they needed, people didn’t know what was precious and what wasn’t, people threw away things they kill each other for now.” ~ Eli from "The Book of Eli"

go well.

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