the year of asanas: tighteningyourbeltasana.

this year
as i head full force into what lies ahead
i have decided to approach 2011 in terms of asanas
(asanas, in this instance, referring to yoga poses).

the discipline pose or tighteningyourbeltasana.

i have 

in the past 

talked about my struggles with weight - 

hell, i even started a blog to document all my challenges with weight 

(you'll notice an obvious lack of posting on that blog...)

as i began to think about the coming year

and all i hope to achieve in it

weight

and weight loss

were an obvious 

and recurring

goal

ambition

whatever.

but the more i thought about it

the more i realized that my goal is not necessarily to lose weight

my goal

is to be more disciplined in all areas of my life.

i am a victim of society, the media

and my own lack of discipline.

okay

mostly just my own lack of discipline.

i eat

when i'm not hungry.

i buy

when i need nothing.

i cave 

every time i see that starbucks siren.

and as a result...

i fight with body image

usually following several desserts 

i struggle with chest pains 

every time my account dips below a certain balance

and i combat the hopelessness that consumes me

when i think ahead to my future

physically

financially.

so 

i'm tightening my belt

not only financially but

i hope

physically as well

and i'm doing this for two reasons...

...because i can't wait to get back here...

...and my girl.  because i don't want her grappling with the same insecurities i do.

so i vow...

the next time i'm at the store

i stick to my list.

“People had more than they needed, people didn’t know what was precious and what wasn’t, people threw away things they kill each other for now.” ~ Eli from "The Book of Eli"

go well.