skein six (another shade of skein three).

i'm running again.

not great lengths

yet

but i have been consistent

and of that i am proud.

the phrase that keeps rattling in my head

is the one i heard last week

while catching a rerun of

'the biggest loser'.

a contestant

after going home

and working her ass off

ran a marathon.

the giddiness was evident on her face

as she bounced on her toes at the starting line.

the footage of her pushing toward the finish line

was powerful

but it was at the completion of the race

that she said,

'i just became the woman

i always wanted to be.'

and i thought

so very clearly to myself

that that is who i want to be.

it's not that i want to be the skinny girl

(although a yogi's body would be nice)

it's not that i want to be the woman that gets ogled in the bar

(if you know me at all, then you are painfully aware of my social phobias)

it's not even that i care if i fit into a size smaller

(although, i wouldn't complain if i were forced to purchase new pants)

it's that i want to be the girl at the finish line.

i want to be the girl who overcomes the odds.

i want to be a better

stronger

sweatier

version of me

for me

for my family

for my daughter.

i want to run on beaches

in valleys

up mountains...

hell

i want to run around the block

twice

three times

ten times.

i want to run.

i want to become the girl

i always wanted to be.

who do you want to be?

go well.